I’m a huge believer in positivity.

It’s not always easy to practise what one preaches, but it often seems that, on the days where we feel upbeat and cheerful, good things come to us and we feel strong. We succeed.

On other days, when we feel a bit unsure of our potential, we’re going to fall short. Or we feel like we’ve fallen short, even if we haven’t. In other words, how we perceive ourselves is important, much more so than how others perceive us.

It’s easy to look at ourselves in the mirror and think, yes, I’m great as I am.

But sometimes, if we try to measure ourselves against a clouded perception, we could see something much less wonderful.

Here’s an example. I’ve just finished writing a novel for 2025 – it’s a long way away from publication. It’s another one of my books about older people who have second chances at happiness. It’s the story of two sisters-in-law who have always been best friends. It’s based on some of the characters in one of my other novels. I won’t give their names away yet.

In this extract, B****** and S**** are sharing a moment of truth. S**** is surprised that her friend isn’t as confident and strong as she’d thought she was.

I hope it’s ok to share a little excerpt here. This is a brief bit of a conversation between S**** and B******.

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‘You keep telling me you’ve no confidence, but you’re the loveliest, brightest, bubbliest most joyful person I ever knew.’

‘Am I?’ B****** seemed surprised.

‘Of course you are…’

‘No I’m not.’ B****** sniffed. ‘My dad told me I was ugly.’

‘He did what?’

‘When I was a kiddie, I was very small, with knocked knees. He was a good looking man, my dad – thick hair, a strong physique. And my mother was bonny. She was slim and all the men had the eye for her. She used to say about Keith – he was three years older than me. “Oh, he’s the good looking child,” she’d say. ‘Keith should have been the girl, with those curls and those long eyelashes. You’d win no prizes for that face, B******.”’ B****** sniffed. ‘Keith’s gone now, five years ago, God rest him.’

‘Your own mother said that about you?’

‘She thought I was uppity and it would make me behave.’

‘She didn’t do much to build your confidence.’

‘She didn’t.’

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My character here, B*******, has a view of herself that others have inflicted on her, and it’s stuck. It reveals itself when she is feeling low. It’s one person’s view that she has taken on and applied to herself without a thought, making herself feel bad about herself. But it’s only an opinion and, as B****** says, it was said in an attempt to control her spirited ways. It’s easy to confuse subjectivity and fact and, as my mum used to say, ‘one man’s meat is another man’s poison.’ To update the old saying, one person’s taste is not the same as another’s.

It’s all too easy to let another person’s dim view take hold.

Now I’m not advocating blind naiveté here, burying our heads in the sand or having the optimism of Voltaire’s Candide who believed wrongly that he lived in the ‘best of all possible worlds.’ There are things we need to be a little circumspect about, whether it’s scammers, politicians, adverts, anything that is passed on as truth and may have some, a little or no truth in it. In short, we need to think for ourselves.

But most people are basically good. They might have good reasons for being negative and, when they have an off day, we don’t have to accept their judgement. They’re only human. If someone is a bit rude when they are driving their car, or if they are blunt on the phone or unhelpful in a shop or mean in a queue, they may have good reason. Health issues, their loved ones’ health issues, money worries, relationship problems, depression, toothache. The list is endless.

But the problem isn’t me, or you. We don’t have to accept their dismissal. There may be a reason for their behaviour. But it doesn’t make them right.

It’s amazing how being nice to someone often removes the scowl from their face and makes them look much happier. Sometimes it works to smile in the face of negativity and wish it a good day. Sometimes it doesn’t. It’s not down to us though. We can help, but we can’t always take on that mantle and let it weigh us down.

What does start with us, though, is our own self-belief, our own cheerfulness and positivity.

Of course, we can’t always be uplifted and chirpy. Life isn’t always kind. But I always think back to the moment we came into the world. What a miracle! Think of that moment our parents first held us and thought, ‘This is the most beautiful baby I have ever set eyes upon.’

You are still that baby. You’re still that beautiful soul.

So, whatever negativity comes your way, hang on to the fact that it’s someone else’s problem, and remind yourself to let it go. You are safe.

Here’s wishing you the very best. And whatever positive energy you offer, I hope it will come back to make you happy.

Like B****** in my story, you have so much to be confident about. As S**** says, you are ‘the loveliest, brightest, bubbliest, most joyful person.’

So have a great day. You deserve it. Sending warm wishes. x