It’s November now and hopefully everyone’s starting to settle into the cold months and feel the benefits of the nicer things that come with it; baked potatoes and hot drinks and fireside evenings.

Am I the only person who’s had a tough October? I don’t think so. Lots of people find the decrease in sunlight difficult, and this leads to the brain producing more melatonin, which makes you feel sleepy, and less serotonin, which is linked to feelings of depression.

I always find October difficult, for personal reasons, but this October has been hard. And what do we do when the going gets tough and we feel low and filled with all sorts of negative thoughts about life?

We smile. Like gurning twits. To show that nothing’s wrong. Because something is.

I’ve been thinking a lot about smiling, so that I can write this post. There’s a song that goes:

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile, and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you.

It’s a song about courage, maybe. Resolve. The stiff upper lip. Or just not communicating our real feelings.

Mostly it’s about hanging in there because negative things – whatever they are – will get better.

And most of the time they do. Not always. But smiles are infectious. They’re a social signal for non-threatening behaviour and we smile to build trust. Smiling itself can improve our mood and mental health.

When I’m writing romantic heroes, I always think about how much they smile. Archetypically, many don’t. Rochester, Heathcliff, Darcy. They don’t smile much. Instead they’re darkly brooding and difficult, whatever that means. Traditionally, the 19th-century Byronic hero is often arrogant, emotionally repressed, or mysterious. 

Not very attractive though, is it?

I did some research and read that Russian men don’t smile because they believe smiling is a sign of mental retardation, whatever that means. That can’t be true. And apparently, some men don’t smile because they are taught, either explicitly or implicitly, to avoid showing emotion, including smiling, to reinforce their masculinity. However, my research goes on to suggest, women are taught from a young age to be more expressive and to smile to appear friendly, approachable, polite and conciliatory.  Or available.

Maybe this is why some men don’t smile on dating apps or in photos and women do. 😊

Is this true? I’ll certainly look out for examples of it in future.

As a kid, I lived with a family who were full of laughter. Singing, jigging about, making fun and mischief. Either that or being silent. There were the ‘be seen and not heard’ moments. Enough said. It wasn’t a problem.

I’m giving smiling a lot of thought at the moment though, for this blog post. I suppose people I consider nicest, most attractive, most pleasant to be with laugh a lot and smile a lot, at the right time, in the right way. Making fun. Being reciprocal.

Handsome men are smiley men. The scowling look doesn’t do it for me. Who wants to hook up with a miserable git?

But back to the song at the beginning. People smile to disguise their feelings. To reduce stress and manage difficult emotions. Or to mask negative emotions, to avoid judgment, to appear strong, or to not burden others with their feelings. 

That’s perhaps always been true. Anne Brontë said, ‘I often cry when I am happy and smile when I am sad.’

Maybe we’re all doing our best to be cheerful, now the weather is colder and the nights are longer. But people suffer more when it’s cold. They isolate. And they keep their sadness quiet. Perhaps we can all reach out to one another. A smile goes a long way to make someone who’s a little bit down feel a little bit better. It lights up a room.

So I wish you a happy November, Lots of warmth and kindness, and a big smile. 😊😊😊

I love this quotation by George Eliot. I hope you’ll take it with you and that it cheers you up.

“Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles.”

Sending love. x